Parents of adult children (Adult addicts) who abuse the essence, the law or their family. Before the birth of a child, most parents already have a heavy burden. They recognize that the big responsibility is to bring the child to this world and, as a rule, to believe that every decision they make since the moment of conception plays a certain role in how the child manifests.
Two Essential Truths
• The first truth is that we all make mistakes as parents. Yes, it’s true: good parents are not ideal parents. We all can work better than we do anyway. But when a child grows up, he can not do it or eliminate it.
• The second truth is that when a child is an adult, he has everything he needs in his life to make reasonable decisions. In conclusion, adult children do not have the right to blame their parents for the decisions they take today.
Suggestions for Coping
1. Remind the child that their choice was not for them, and put them in the circumstances that surrounded them at that time. Emphasize that it was your conscious decisions and not just “luck” or “misfortune” that brought you to this place
2. Offer help and support only to the extent that you are financially able and help your child improve their lives. Do not give him money, which, as you know, will save you from bad behaviour.
3. Ask your child to find support services, but do not blame him for not using them. You cannot help those who do not want to help themselves. Honestly, you cannot, if you want to do it. It just does not work.
4. Love your child. But remember that your child’s love does not mean that you are strengthening your child. This means that they are responsible for their behavior and deprive them of the opportunity to dissolve the family.
5. Do not assume that you can “save” your adult child. This is simply impossible and attempts are certainly no way to promote the autonomy and responsibility of an adult.
Protect yourself and protect the rest of your family: Not all adult children are allowed to touch the floor before they turn around, so do not let your child or family put you in the background! No “low point” is considered as a necessary starting point to change the life of the addict.
Love yourself: Parents do their best, but they should not take responsibility for bad decisions of their adult children. As soon as he becomes a father, this role has no end. However, the responsibilities of this role change with time as the child grows up. They shrink, they do not stretch. If you love and accept your limitations, you will be kept in touch with the choice of your child.